my widow's peak was deepening by the time I reached age ten by twelve, receiving direct mail from the Hair Club for Men

I've tried every single remedy I saw on the tee-vee toupees and fancy hairpieces? they just all looked silly

Xervac dusty in the closet behind that case of GLH minoxidil just made me ill did nothing for my pate

comb-overs are ridiculous the tonics way too greasy transplants are too expensive the Thermocap made me uneasy

I probably ought to just embrace it Vin and the Rock, they make it work own the jokes 'bout "solar sex panels" those critics? They're all jerks I've been bald forever, wouldn't change it if I could call it evidence of my virile manhood!

been a challenge throughout history with men always seeking out solutions Egyptians pastes made from porcupine quills and crocodile fat infusions

Caesar's girlfriend Cleopatra suggested bear grease and ground up teeth When that didn't work, he settled on a gaudy laurel wreath

Hippocrates used opium, horseradish and diluted pigeon shit even considered self-castration as Eunuchs never dealt with it

Founding Fathers with their powdered wigs The English rubbed cold lemon tea it's all sort of ridiculous and honestly, not at all for me

I probably ought to just embrace it Vin and the Rock, they make it work own the jokes 'bout "solar sex panels" those critics? They're all jerks I've been bald forever, wouldn't change it if I could call it evidence of my virile manhood!