[song 1: you fucked around and now] your lesbian friends were always right you fucked around and now you're gonna find out be the feminist you pretend to be admit that you've been sleeping with the enemy

welcome to the dictator era you fucked around and now you're gonna find out just sit back, continue not to vote you can't anyway, your rights have been revoked

[song 2: Requiem for a Future Husband] I knew I was gonna love you I knew it just as sure as anything Someday we would meet and you would sweep me off my feet And now I know that I will never wear your ring

It's true I might meet somebody like you someday And it's true that true loves don't need wedding vows I was told that I'd be married in white Find my own dream home and buy it Have some kids and raise them right My future with you is the ending to a fable that can't exist Now I know it's time to cross you off my list

[song 3: You Don't HAVE to Breed] Your friends are all parents and you feel left out Telling you you'll never be fulfilled it's a status symbol, just another milestone to reach that's probably why you think this is something you actually want to do A baby doesn't gotta come out of you And actually, men need to hear this too

Your sperm's not special And neither is your family name Your genes don't need to be passed on Children are people, not just spawn! Fellas, You don't have to breed

[song 4: The Jiggery-Pokery] I put a wig on a pig and taught it not to dance a jig Because I didn't want the jiggery-pokery

I put a wig on a pig and taught it not to dance a jig Because I didn't want the bloke with the jiggery-pokery

[song 5: if this is what heaven sounds like] In heaven the angels sing cold and clear right in your ear saying words you want to hear Everyone you love is there and every peer all your friends can hear with all our eyes and ears When you fuck up this whole heavenly music thing Oh shit, in heaven you're not allowed to swear

I spoke to a church choir once They had this unchanging, unending chant I told them they could sing, so they told me I can't if this is what heaven sounds like, then I REALLY don't wanna go. No, no, no