Sleeve (Comments First song)
Liner Notes
This song is for the #CommentsFirst challenge (https://write.fawm.org/forums/3025). It didn't exist at first, but I posted this song shell privately to gather the first few comments, then wrote it from those prompts.
My prompts: #girlwithpiano #sad
Their prompts: @alicelimoges I love the lyric about being fragile as crystal @berni1954 The cello on steroids is a fabulous addition! @beto What a beautiful melody, and I like the use of the ostinato, it gives a sense of grounding. So lovely! @theodamus Oooh i love how even though it is melancholy there’s an unexpected brightness when the major chord hits, the contrast is beautiful
Lyrics
I got my heart on my sleeve And a wildcard beneath like a cheater Can't know the real me Cuz honestly he Is a keeper
what he doesn't know makes our love so artificial a surface to scratch will make my lies fragile as crystal
but compared to the shattered i feel fake love is better than real
until he uncovers what lies beneath he better believe my heart on my sleeve my heart on my sleeve he better believe my heart on my sleeve
So my secrets I'll drown and I'll carry them down to my casket gamble my heart in spades cuz he's heaven made and i'm bound for hell in a basket
devil may find a few tricks up my sleeve he better believe my heart on my sleeve my heart on my sleeve he better believe my heart on my sleeve
Comments
![[avatar]](https://fawm-avatars.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/fawm2024/e0cb5d99-fae3-4833-a688-0217f210afe9.png){kind=avatar}
what an interesting set of constraints you were given here... i'm not sure what i would have done with them, but it wouldn't have ended up as powerful and interesting as this.
![[avatar]](https://fawm-avatars.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/fawm2023/b23e9da3-f3b8-416a-a0d4-78222a0cf623.png){kind=avatar}
You managed to get all the suggestions into a wonderful song full of passion and mystery. I especially like thqt penultimate verse! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
![[avatar]](https://fawm-avatars.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/fawm2023/26622.png){kind=avatar}
Wow what a good write out of a comments first challenge. You managed all the prompts. I really like the cello and the melancholy. The bridge is just awesome No idea what is an ostinato :O
![[avatar]](https://fawm-avatars.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/fawm2025/a1538bdf-62c3-4e12-9920-f9f899c4de04.png){kind=avatar}
I love the lyric about being fragile as crystal
The cello on steroids is a fabulous addition!
![[avatar]](https://fawm-avatars.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/fawm2026/b23894a9-78c3-44e9-8aff-b88e60fd465a.png){kind=avatar}
What a beautiful melody, and I like the use of the ostinato, it gives a sense of grounding. So lovely!
![[avatar]](https://fawm-avatars.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/fawm2024/2b82c755-07cf-49b0-9f74-650d23d3b987.png){kind=avatar}
Oooh i love how even though it is melancholy there’s an unexpected brightness when the major chord hits, the contrast is beautiful
![[FAWM]](/static/img/demoduck.svg)
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First off, I'm jealous of the comments you worked with but also completely agree with Burr that I also would not have ended up with such a powerful song, either. I can hear the ache in your voice, it's such a great performance. The arrangement is great, too.