I'm only trying to showcase the average day of my life, doing very little, I wish I could do more but I am just unable to do so.

I just sit at my computer, trying to find something to keep me entertained, trying to gather any motivation to do anything.

And now I'm here, writing this whole paragraph, acting like I'm living some horrible things while it's clearly just mundane, and even something many people would enjoy, and yet I can't help but feel bad about it.

I just wish I could enjoy being outside, walking around the forest, emptying my head of thoughts, but I cannot help but overthink the smallest of things, overblowing them out of proportion.

This is probably one of the most pointless and cringe inducing someone can consume in a day, it's just whining really, not even capable to trying to improve my life in any meaningful way.

I can't help but feel like I'm faking everything, that I could be capable of doing alot, but choses just not to, for unknown reasons. I can even hear my heart palpitating as I write this garbage, just pitiful self-loathing that anyone could come up with.

I do not expect anything to read this, and in reality, it's utterly pointless, and if you actually did go until the end, I'm sorry because this is time you're never going to get back doing something more productive or interesting, which by itself sounds like a super cliché thing to say, even in impromptu writing I can barely come up with an original thought that people haven't done thousands of time before. But honestly, who cares? I'm just writing this to vent, it's just for me, not meant for anyone else to read, and yet I'm still going to publish this, acting like it's some kind of lyrics for the final and most noisy and unlistenable track yet.

Unlistenable, but still means something to me as this essay is meant to picture what I do in my daily life, wake up, take my meds, eat breakfast, go take a piss, then stay on my computer for the majority of the day, going up and down the stairs trying to fetch things or take care of my wife and cat, cooking, cleansing, doing the dishes, really bland things everyone does. So why does it feel so painful to keep repeating it each day? It's nothing hard, nothing too annoying, nothing too complex, it's repetitive and fairly mind numbing, which by itself is probably what makes it feel so wrong. And yet, it's oddly comforting, not having to think of anything else that could be going wrong, just simplicity.

I really don't know why I keep writing this while the battery of my portable recording device drains out, and most of what I'm currently recording won't even be in the track cause right now, it's about 15 minutes long and I don't want to make the track that long.

To conclude everything, I'm just going to stop the record of me typing on my keyboard to record the sounds of what I do everyday, maybe it's me trying to be poetic or saying something, but I don't even think I know what all of this means, prehaps the few people who will be reading this from start to finish may find one.

Thank you.