FAWM: "Something Rotten"

Something Rotten

2025 by @wondertruly

Liner Notes

#folk #exvangelical #deconstruction #acousticonetake Thanks to @stevenwesleyguiles for getting the conversation about deconstruction started in the forums. I have tried to write about my own experience with my faith and its falling apart several times over the years, but I have a hard time feeling like anything does it justice.

This is an autobiographical song about my journey and my relationship with the Christian church. I got married at 19 after being engaged for a year, which was about the max amount of time you were allowed to be unmarried in the church because the longer you were together unmarried, the more likely it was that you'd be tempted to live in sin. My ex-husband and I were both way too young to have made such a huge commitment at our ages, and we both came from abusive families so our marriage was fraught with the same.

The part about being stewards of a house of prayer is 100% true. My ex-husband and I lived and took care of the House of Prayer just off the campus of the Washington State Capitol building from the end of 2011 through most of 2012. Gay marriage was in legislation January 2012, and it's completely true that groups of prayer warriors would come into my house and pray the most vile things about the governor, the legislators, and queer people. I was even part of the church's booth at Olympia Pride, doing face painting and playing music and trying to witness to folks who were just there to celebrate being themselves in a safe place.

My faith was founded on a day in 2008 when I asked god if he would be my father, since my dad had abandoned me as a child. I heard a resounding "yes" in my whole self, and felt so close to god from that day on. Until the day I shut my heart off to protect myself from the abuse of my ex-husband. I didn't know at the time that when you shut your heart off to one thing, you shut it off to most things, and so I was shocked and so guilty when my faith began to fracture.

Lyrics

I married young, wed at nineteen So the devil’s temptation wouldn’t come between us We hurt each other, like hurt kids do We forgave and we forgave till the truth rang hollow

We stewarded a house of prayer Groups would come and pray for judgement that was just and fair The legislation, 2012 Gay marriage passed by the governer herself

And they prayed, “Take her peace away “Don’t let her sleep ‘till she sees the error of her ways”

And I knew then Something was rotten in this den I wept alone lit by sunlight from the window This was not the loving god I’d known Such hatred being prayed for in my home

One day my husband, he broke my heart I decided to stop fighting and shut down my spark Then I stopped hearing the voice of god In the chapel, on my knees, I begged for him to come

And the believers came to me Said He was testing me But what kind of father tests his own daughter

And I knew then Something was rotten in my head I thought it was my fault, I fell in love with other people My faith began to crumble at its core The church said I should have given more

Mmm…

A decade later, the church has changed From the pulpit they’re prescribing bigotry and rage White nationalism, unbridled hate It was this way all along, now they just show their faces

But Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek among you” “Blessed are the poor, and Blessed are the merciful” I don’t think they pray to Jesus anymore

I knew when They voted for that rotten president He’s building up walls, calling for the death of innocents Deportation, Discrimination, Misinformation, tell me…are you proud to be American?

Comments

@nancycunning 2025

Oh, this is so beautiful and tender and personal. Thank you for telling your truths. It makes me think of Dar Williams and Joni Mitchell. I think it's really powerful to situate the last section in the context of this whole song, and the whole experience. So good to hear your voice.

@harperjen 2025

I was raised conservative Lutheran, so our prejudice was more "we just don't talk about it" than preaching hate. . .now my parents have voted for the orange dick-tater three times and I have left my most recent church staff position (Disciples of Christ--much more progressive theology, I'm just burned out on leading church music). While your early experiences are much different than mine, ohhhhh myyyy, do I ever understand your frustration and grief with (White) Christian Nationalism!!!

@wynia 2025

I’m sure this was very heart wrenching to write. Having grown up in the evangelical church and college at a small Christian school, I understand the backdrop to all of this. Having deconstructed myself (but having now found a church full of folks along similar journeys), I feel all of this so relatable. With Christian nationalism rising and our current national leadership, a lot of the angst I have has also bubbled to the surface again. I think your song here is bare and beautiful and vulnerable and perfect for what you have to say

@bunga 2025

Thank you for sharing. This is incredibly moving and brave.

@wizardofarc 2025

this cuts deep beautiful

@lindsaymachine 2025

All I can say is I'm glad you wrote this. Thank you.

@katannette 2025

hooooo, this is highly relatable. Truly, thanks for sharing this story in this format. Music is my favorite place to find "me too". You did it so well.

@berni1954 2025

Oh, there will be so many folk who can relate to this. And also those, like me, who lost loved ones to some church or cult. I wish you all the best in your recuperation from the brainwashing. I was lucky in that my “guru” (in my hippy days) taught that we must each find our own spiritual path. He said he thought organized religion should be banned. Seeing what damage organized religion has done over the centuries ( and still does today) I totally agree.

@owling 2025

It's very moving. I like the verse about "what kind of father test his own daughter?". I like the end of your song and how you link your experience with politics. I wish you the best and applaude your courage

@alyxanderjames 2025

Oh, friend. This is such a familiar story, and so beautifully told. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this. 💜

@stevenwesleyguiles 2025

Also - thank you for sharing your story. I have lots of similarities.

@stevenwesleyguiles 2025

This song does an amazing job encapsulating a HUGE painful process. Like, the issue of gay marriage was also so triggering for me. I didn’t understand the hate…it never matched up with the God I thought I knew.

@stevenwesleyguiles 2025

What kind of father tests his own daughter. 😭😭😭