Empty Nest
NSFWLiner Notes
#indiehiphop? #dud #firstrottenfruits #drumloops
I went back and numbered all of my songs, because this track here? I don't think it has a place on this album I'm putting together. Honestly I was expecting a "dud" song to hit earlier, so it being in the back half of my 2nd FAWM is not something to whine about.
This track is sort of all over the place thematically. A week or so ago I put some pre-made drumloops together and added some organ and keys and then proceeded to write a hip hop track that kinda just meanders about and becomes something else by the end. I'm not in love with it because:
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Drumloops. All the way. Nothing against them being used, but here, beyond some cutting and pasting and fading in and out, it's pretty stagnant. Because I didn't program or play MIDI or via keyboard, it just kind of...doesn't feel like it's my own? This is my own problem, of course, lol
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It doesn't quite mesh with the rest of the project. It's not the hip hop part, I had a lot of (relative) "fun" writing these lyrics, but in an album about grief, the fact that the song kind of stumbles into being about my mother is a little fortuitous, but mostly meh. Speaking of which...
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My mother deserves better. If she gets a song, she deserves a full song, not something that, in the mania of FAWM, sorta "ends up" about her. She's been through way too much to have half of a weird indie rap song gloss over her life. I'll show her this but it still doesn't feel good enough.
Ultimately I decided to post this here because it's within the spirit of FAWM and the "go with your gut" writing style it pushes. I went with my gut, and I think my gut was wrong on this! And that's okay! They can't all be winners! But by the end of recording it (especially the chorus') you can tell my heart wasn't in it. It also happened to take quite a long time to write the lyrics because of syllabic structure and what not, so it's firmly in "Sunk Cost" territory. Ah well! Moving on!
Lyrics
Verse 1: Caught in the same loop, Stuck at the same pace, Circle the wagon Or the drain,
It doesn't matter When we end up in the same place, Just waiting for lines to catch up To the time on our faces.
Time's up The second it hits the sixty When you wind it up, But it's a zero when the hourglass Dries up.
A minute ago we both were dancing on a red line, A short story in a long time.
I used to chase dreams, Now I can barely sleep. Begging to wake up, Buried in the autumn leaves.
Non-apologetic for autonomy Cuz dying for your art for a living Is a false dichotomy.
I try to remember the sounds within the melody, All the syllables and nouns and etymology Bleeding co-dependency With motion in the poetry.
It's all ephemeral Like the fiction in a melody.
Chorus: "I dream of the outside, but I'm Breathing in this emptiness. Why does every sweet little bird fly away and Lead me to an empty nest?"
Verse 2: I remember when I was a kid, And never thought that I was wrong, I just rolled down the hill and ran Back to the top. Now I never fucking feel like I'm enough.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm made of; I've got the logic of my father And the morals of my mother, And the face of them both, And I'm not ashamed of it,
But there are days where The Heart and the Head Are tidally locked And I'm lying in bed And I wanna get away from it.
I'll never be a rock star, I'd never have the guts to make it that far. It's hard enough to play it off And keep pretending that my music Isn't something that I'm halfway proud of.
But at the end of the day, All the ways that I think, And the things that I say Are inherently based On the way I was raised,
And I was taught to keep moving For the ones that you love, So for that, I'm bound to be a good son.
"I dream of the outside, but I'm Breathing in this emptiness. Why does every sweet little bird fly away and Lead me to an empty nest?"
Verse 3: As you can tell from my confessions, I'm a pessimist. I'm a pacifist. I'm not a fighter like my mother, That's obvious.
She kept her head above water Through abuse and through poverty And I choose to always honor that.
She met my dad and gave me a great life, She taught compassion And what was wrong and What was right.
She needs to know that I can see it, She needs to Feel it and believe it. She needs to hear it.
Even when your parents died, When your husband died, When your daughter died, You kept going.
You oughtta know that Ava's growing into someone Who can make.
We were told "life's not fair" And then we proved That we could take it.
So when I'm down I try to shake it off, Cuz you've been through enough.
Now as bad as it gets, You're not alone, You gave me life And a place to call home.
"I dream of the outside, but I'm Breathing in this emptiness. Why does every sweet little bird fly away and Lead me to an empty nest?"
I won't leave you to an empty nest. I won't leave you to an empty nest.
Comments
This is fire, honestly. Dig the reflective groove and confessional lyrics - and your subdued-but-right-on-time delivery really suits this. Sets up the chorus and that soaring vocal.
I really enjoyed this one.
I love the cadences in this song! I don't think the drum loops take anything away; in fact, I think they give it that old school 80s/90s funk groove that I find very appealing! Your vocal delivery is superb, and the song actually IS about grief. I could easily sing this chorus about my (permanently) empty nest... #tit4tat
I know you had a lot of self critiques about this song, but the vibe and using the story telling nature of hip hop I think does actually do the song justice. I listened to a lot of biggie growing up and always felt like it was deep and emotional. I always felt that from lots of old school hip hop. It makes it more serious in a way than singing it in a pretty, or complex way. Straightforward delivery of hard hitting facts and beliefs isn't a bad thing.
I really like the rhythm here, especially the rhythm of the lyrics. It does have a very different feel than a lot of your other songs, but I like it! The different delivery is interesting and you did a really good job with it. The piano is also really beautiful! The chorus is so well written, I love the image it creates. This is such a deep tribute, even if it was more stumbled upon than planned. The love shines through, even if you feel like it doesn't do it as well as you'd like. Sometimes its good to do something different!
@dhiatt Thank you muchly for the kind words, and I agree about giving it some space. I'm sure there are worthwhile parts I can scavenge down the line!
That bass sound drew me in, your eloquent lyrics and vocals kept me there, but the melody sections takes it over the top. I would playlist this on streaming as is..
Loops has it's qualities too, one of them is that they don't fight for attention against other parts you want to bring to the fore..
It's interesting reading about you somewhat rejecting this song. I think it's got a lovely, meditative quality that fits the lyrics. And I think the lyrics have a lot of gems. I particularly love the impact of the consecutive rhyme sequences in the verses (e.g., melody, etymology, co-dependency, poetry). It has a such a great build to it. I understand what you're saying about not embracing the drum loops and your heart not being in the chorus. But you might just need to give this song some space and come back to it later with some perspective. I think there's something great here.
This sounds awfully good for a "dud". Maybe you'll find something you like better in place of the personal parts about your mother, but there are some really great lines in here, especially the first verse and "But there are days where / The Heart and the Head / Are tidally locked" (in my totally unbiased astronomy-loving opinion).